Got To Have You

By myself and Kerrily Aitchison
Music by Shelia Jack
Shot and edited in Brussels 2010

Playground Obsession

1.HI JAMIE! HD FN STNDNG NXT 2 U IN DA CLASS LINE. MUM SAYS MY KNEE WILL B BETA NXT WK & I CN CUM BK 2 SKUL. C U L8RS. XOXO (N.M)

2.DR.JAMIE.X.UR.CYCLING.THRU.MY.DREAMS.4REAL.WNT.2.STAND.IN.THE.FRONT.OF.THE.LINE.W.ME?
WONT.TRIP.YOU.UP.IZZAFACE. (D.H)

3.BIG MISTAKE...SORRY...PLS IGNORE PIZZA SCENARIO. I WANT 2 MARRY U. LOL. :)...:/...JUST JOKES (S.B)

4. FUCK YOU CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DOWNTROWED ME...I HOPE TO PUSH YOU OFF YOUR FCKING PRETTY BIKE + MAKE YOUR KNEE BLEED. (K.A)

You Are A Party

You are a party in my head. You are for me. You look beautiful. You start out awkward but you end up wild and full of rambling conversation. Your punch is spiked. I feel light headed and my dress is getting puffier and girlier by the minute. Your music is sweet and loud. My hair feels soft and shiny. You are decorated and colourful, a thousand morsels of glitter under fairy lights. You are wild. You are flirting and dancing everywhere. You are dangerous, you could get busted and shut down at any moment now. I am magnetised. I want to pounce into every space you have like a big cat. I love moving around you. It seems like everyone is in love with you.

What Have You done To Me?

Number of Pronouns: 2 - you, me.
Number of verbs: 2 - done (past tense of to do), have.
Number of prepositions: 1 - to.
Number of question words: 1 - what (WHquestion).
Punctuation: 1 question mark.

There are five words in the sentence, mostly pronouns and verbs, no adjectives, adverbs or proper nouns.

The use of the past participle of the verb to do (have done) implies that there are no alternatives for the consequences of the subject's action.

The subject, me, feels that the perpetrator, you, has done something. That something is done to the subject implies that whatever the effect is on me, they should not be responsible. The responsibility for the action, the 'what' is clearly on the shoulders of you. This could be a positive something, like 'you made me smell like roses' but it could equally be a negative something, like, 'you made me crash the car and now my arm is broken.' Either way, the subject, me, puts them self as the consequent subject to you. The me character is clearly feeling less in control, subjugated or manipulated by you. The fact that me tells you this information, informs us that there is a direct mode of communication, perhaps even humour in the statement, though underpinned by a somewhat cynical view of their situation.

Obsession (n) - ...the desire to have a place, even if only in the mind.... (Harald Szeemann)

1. Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.

2. A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.

1. (Psychiatry) Psychiatry a persistent idea or impulse that continually forces its way into consciousness, often associated with anxiety and mental illness

2. a persistent preoccupation, idea, or feeling

3. the act of obsessing or the state of being obsessed

1.

the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire,
2.

the idea, image, desire, feeling, itself

Seven Dreams

1. They stuck a catfish full of nuclear waste and put her in a tree. - Brussels, July 23

2. Bad bikini tanlines, family homes, french numbers and flatmates kissing. - Berlin, July 27

3. Floating over a traffic jam looking for a car on auto pilot. Lovers were exchanging places or saying goodbye. I was at a street party which filled up with water to our necks. I practiced synchoronised swimming. As the sun came up, the water drained. I swam towards the last people left at the party. We danced. I spun around on the spot with one leg in the air and my head up in ecstasy. When the music built and peaked I fell back into his arms and felt his beard bristle on my forehead. - Berlin, July 28

4. a) Turkish wasabi. It's a drug like opium but only lasts a few minutes. When you are about to take it you must excuse yourself to the people at the table.

b) Standing on the ledge of a window on an aeroplane watching birdlife including teradactils flying. - Brussels, July 31

5. Woke up and looked out the window to a view of a vast blue sea and an island with beautiful palm trees. Slowly the island floated out of view. We were floating on the sea. I looked again and we were in a desert. - Brussels, August 2

6. Scott's pirate ship burnt down while we were talking about plays and celebrty culture. In the middle of the flames, as people watched on a mediterranean coastline, there was a lesbian couple holding on to each other and determined to die. - Brussels August 4

7. Me and my mother eating pepperoni pizza with my therapist. - France August 10

Obsessive Love - Structure

The Obsessive love Wheel

The "Obsessive Love Wheel" (OLW) is a hypothetical sphere originally described by John D. Moore in his book, Confusing Love with Obsession. The wheel illustrates the four stages of Obsessive Relational Progression as part of Relational Dependency (RD). Moore suggests that for people who are afflicted with relational dependency (love addiction, codependency, etc) their relationships often follow the pattern of the wheel.

The initial phase of ORP is characterized by an instantaneous and overwhelming attraction to another person. It is at this point the relationally dependent person becomes "hooked" on a romantic interest, usually resulting from the slightest bit of attention from the person they are attracted to.

Phase one: Attraction phase

• An instant attraction to romantic interest, usually occurring within the first few minutes of meeting.
• An immediate urge to rush into a relationship regardless of compatibility.
• Becoming "hooked on the look" of another, focusing on the person's physical characteristics while ignoring personality differences.
• Unrealistic fantasies about a relationship with a love interest, assigning "magical" qualities to an object of affection.
• The beginnings of obsessive, controlling behaviors begin to manifest.

Phase two: Anxious phase

This phase is considered a relational turning point, which usually occurs after a commitment has been made between both parties. Sometimes, however, the relationally dependent person will enter into this phase without the presence of a commitment. The relation can be severed here, resulting in a depressing time for the controlling party. If not severed by this time, psychological help will be required. This happens when the afflicted person creates the illusion of intimacy, regardless of the other person's true feelings. The second phase of ORP behaviors can include :

• Unfounded thoughts of infidelity on the part of a partner and demanding accountability for normal daily activities.
• An overwhelming fear of abandonment, including baseless thoughts of a partner walking out on the relationship in favor of another person.
• The need to be in constant contact with a love interest via phone, email or in person.
• Strong feelings of mistrust begin to emerge, causing depression, resentment and relational tension.
• The continuation and escalation of obsessive, controlling behaviors.
• Feeling the other partner doesn't and shouldn't need to contact, meet, bond and/or speak with others.
• Violent reactions (verbal and physical) directed to the loved one and/or to oneself if the controlled person starts denying the obsessive demands.

Phase three: Obsessive phase

This particular phase represents the rapid escalation of this unhealthy attachment style. It is at this point that obsessive, controlling behaviors reach critical mass, ultimately overwhelming the RD person's life. It is also at this point that the person being controlled begins to pull back and ultimately, severs the relationship. In short, Phase Three is characterized by a total loss of control on the part of the RD person, resulting from extreme anxiety. Usually, the following characteristics are apparent during the third phase of ORP.

• The onset of "tunnel vision," meaning that the relationally dependent person cannot stop thinking about a love interest and required his or her constant attention.
• Neurotic, compulsive behaviors, including rapid telephone calls to love interest's place of residence or workplace.
• Unfounded accusations of "cheating" due to extreme anxiety.
• "Drive-bys" around a love interest's home or place of employment, with the goal of assuring that the person is where "he or she is supposed to be."
• Physical or electronic monitoring activities, following a love interest's whereabouts throughout the course of a day to discover daily activities.
• Extreme control tactics, including questioning a love interest's commitment to the relationship (guilt trips) with the goal of manipulating a love interest into providing more attention.

Phase four: Destructive phase

This is the final phase of Obsessive Relational Progression. It represents the destruction of the relationship, due to phase three behaviors, which have caused a love interest to understandably flee. For a variety of reasons, this is considered the most dangerous of the four phases, because the RD person suddenly plummets into a deep depression due to the collapse of the relationship. Here are some of the more common behaviors that are exhibited during phase four of ORP:

• Overwhelming feelings of depression (feeling "empty" inside).
• A sudden loss of self-esteem, due to the collapse of the relationship.
• Extreme feelings of self-blame and at times, self-hatred.
• Anger, rage and a desire to seek revenge against a love interest for breaking off the relationship.
• Denial that the relationship has ended and attempting to "win a loved one back" by making promises "to change".
• The use of drugs, alcohol, food or sex to "medicate" the emotional pain.
• Suicidal thoughts may manifest. Without emotional counseling, suicide could become a reality.